Things I Do Not Understand And Definitely Am Not Going to Talk About

BY JEN SNOW

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Things I Do Not Understand And Definitely Am Not Going To Talk About

  • It is not intuition, it is an algorithm. I’m just really good at using Google.

Things I Do Not Understand And Definitely Am Not Going To Talk About

  • There must be a word for it, maybe in German, for what happens when you cry while wearing glasses.

Things I Do Not Understand And Definitely Am Not Going To Talk About

  • Something about the commonly acceptable shifting of position while in the following situations: standing on a subway platform, waiting outside the therapist’s office, getting into an elevator, placing your coat in a coatroom that is actually the host’s bedroom.
  • Something about meetings about meetings.
  • Something about membership fees, cardboard coffee cup sheaths, and structural support.
  • Something about the drivers license photo where my shirt is falling off my shoulders.
  • Something about sleeping.
  • Something about how every man she’d ever been with left her a manuscript. One that he’d written or fodder for her own.

Things I Do Not Understand And Definitely Am Not Going To Talk About

  • Twitter asks: “What’s happening?”
  • Facebook asks: “What’s on your mind?”
  • Just the name of someone you have a crush on.
  • Because you typed it in the wrong box.

Things I Do Not Understand And Definitely Am Not Going To Talk About

  • Tekserve’s old fashioned 5-cent glass bottle Coca-Cola machine is there solely to keep you from crying as they diagnose just how fucked up your computer is. Right?

Things I Do Not Understand And Definitely Am Not Going To Talk About

  • Is that the moon, or are they making a movie?

Things I Do Not Understand And Definitely Am Not Going To Talk About

  • “Something just happened,” said someone on the TV.

                                                      — Choire SichaThe Awl

Things I Do Not Understand And Definitely Am Not Going To Talk About

  • Something about sharing, albeit unequally, unintentionally.