Same as it ever was.
Same as it ever was.
Same as it ever was.
Same as it ever was.
Same as it ever was.
Same as it ever was.
Same as it ever was.
Same as it ever was.
(More than once in a lifetime, actually.)
She was always searching for a story.
He was sometimes searching for her story too.
At some point, soon, we are going to have to redefine the word “favorite.”
He didn’t realize, at the time, that “I remember those shoes,” was the wrong thing to say.
Do not make a list of things you love more than love.
Is he or she “Similar To You” because you look at his or her Twitter feed 12 times a day?
Internet retirement, imminent.
The rule is: NO SUBWAY PANTS ON THE BED. The rule is not an invitation to take off all clothing upon entering my apartment.
“Didn’t you get my text message?” I asked. “Everyone got your text message,” he said, “you sent it to Twitter .”
The $275 snooze.
When the alarm clock rings, and you press the “snooze” button, and then you sleep through therapy.
I knew it was over when he bought some self-help books for me, for Chanukah.
I thought it was weird that such a smart man did not understand the meaning of the word “self.”
He thought it was weird that I pretended that was the part that mattered.
“The ‘self’ isn’t the point,” he said.
I pointed out that the semantics were sort of actually exactly the point.
And we seemed, for a moment, like a pretty good match.
Do not measure a person’s worth by the number of pieces of Spanx you put on when you get dressed before you see them.
“I’m not trying to make you feel bad,” said my mother, “but we already got a holiday card from the garbage men, so you really should mail your cards soon.”
You always obscure the object,” they said.
But maybe they meant “the subject.”
He refuses to wear a seat belt.
She uses the rear-view mirror to apply the glaucoma eye drops that promote eyelash growth, that simulate eyelash extensions, that stimulate eyelash extension, though she is sitting in the back seat and she does not have glaucoma in either eye.
“We are,” they say, “ready to try something new.”
