October 2008
17 posts
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
You are the only person I know who knows the extra/missing/deleted verse from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song. Until I met you, I wondered why he seemed to take that cab all the way from Philadelphia to California. You knew that they deleted the part on the plane.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
My allergies are starting to annoy even me.
He couldn’t possibly, actually, live in the neighborhood.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
If we try to make kombucha, will we accidentally make poison instead?
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Page 117 reminds you of me.
Is that a compliment or a complaint?
He always wanted to be the copy editor.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
That birth control commerical where all the “pills” seem to be synchronized swmmers who dive into a pool and then that one diver/pill decides to use a NuvaRing so it/she lets her hair down and gets out of the pool and walks toward the hot tub/ring and rips off the middle of her bathing suit and becomes a lady in a bikini as she enters the hot tub/NuvaRing. I guess I just don’t...
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
I fell asleep while getting my hair cut today. Not during the quiet part where he cut each curl individually, methodically. No, I fell asleep while my head was inside of one of those huge hair dryers attached to the wall. Also, the hairdresser was pointing a second hairdryer into the hair drying helmet in order to do some sort of special, extra drying to my hair. And I fell asleep. One of those...
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
You are not a novelty act.
Apparently this now works when I need to deal with doormen and my lack of proper ID: “I do not have a drivers license, but I do have all this great new gray hair, so….”
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
How to hide an anxiety attack, at the dinner table, until the pill starts to work.
Don’t flirt with me; I am going to be a bitch.
The time I turned away.
How to describe things in musical terms.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
There is a Dream and Nightmare Lab at The Sacred Heart Hospital in Montreal. I want to go there on vacation.
I do not dream.
I feel like panic attacks are pretty much like having nightmares during the day. So that covers that.
2 tags
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
You are not the first to point out that it is easy to imagine that I might not believe in hugs.
I think I just signed up for a private one-on-one phone session with someone from The Kabbalah Centre.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
The right type of jeans.
I am starting to have that problem, again, where I tend to forget the beginning of a sentence by the time I get close to speaking the end of it out loud.
1 tag
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Learning curves.
What I was wearing.
I might have to stop using, “Because I am basically amazing,” as my most-called-upon excuse.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
I do sometimes think about a job editing wedding listings for The New York Times.
Lately, we all need to eat dinner together. Different groups, but always groups. Long tables, long meals. Lots of dishes and drinking glasses and laughing. This is not, at all, a complaint.
You “just had to” e-mail me about the “new” Pynchon book? I think we could have waited, to talk...
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
I was asleep before it started.
Did I really atone?
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
You don’t wait for the beep.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
That 7 looks like a 9.
If I update my blog, but do not e-mail you back, will you be mad?
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
If she is so awkward, why doesn’t she just stay home?
We are exactly the same height.
I now set five alarms. Every night. It is out of control.
You called us one right after the other. I know this because I was with him then. At Freemans, making one drink last a lot longer than it should. And we both had our phones out, close to our hands.