December 2008
20 posts
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
We hate each other, so what’s the problem? The last 45 minutes are usually the best. You shouldn’t say that on TV.
Dec 31st
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
The neti pot. Any sort of nasal irrigation, actually.
Dec 29th
1 note
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Now I need a wakeup call every morning.
Dec 27th
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
The pilot episode. Do you still use my menorah? I asked her for a wake-up call. Dr. Oz and Oprah just tried to coin a new phrase, “If you supress it, you will obsess it!”
Dec 24th
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
You buy stocks based only on whether you like the ticker initials, still.
Dec 23rd
2 notes
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Where is my checkbook?
Dec 23rd
1 note
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Why must you ask, “Have you lost weight?” This is no more a compliment than, “Were you fat the last time I saw you?”
Dec 22nd
5 notes
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
I can be awkward and uncomfortable enough for both of us.
Dec 20th
8 notes
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
This internet connection.
Dec 20th
2 notes
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Define “overshare.”
Dec 18th
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Your bathtub is so big. She works for the family but the only time I’ve seen her outside of the home is at funerals. I don’t know how he does it. Something never to say out loud again: “That photo of that child is so amazing; it makes my ovaries ache.”
Dec 17th
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
I don’t like it, but the way it frames his face. You are not actually allergic. Stop giving out the phone number for your “great gastroenterologist.” It’s a little weird.
Dec 16th
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
I just want to measure posters, frame photos. I can’t find the time to deal with boxes or fitting furniture into the car. I’ve already done three small loads of laundry today. Cardamom coffee is the most comforting. Am I really going to watch 13 Going On 30 while I do this? Yes.
Dec 14th
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
The amount of eyelashes he had was suddenly overwhelming. I needed to actually take a step back. Apparently I can fall asleep on your couch, but not on mine. How am I going to pack that?
Dec 12th
2 notes
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
I cried while watching Gossip Girl, even before they played that teen-perfect song by The National that usually makes me cry. xoxo
Dec 9th
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
How to move.
Dec 8th
1 tag
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Dr. ——, the psychoanalyst, suggested that “we might consider calling in a consultant.”  Who knew that there were threesomes in therapy?
Dec 5th
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
At a wedding on Saturday night, they called “all the single ladies” on to the dance floor, but then they did not play Beyonce.
Dec 3rd
20 notes
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Maybe we started a new blog. A food blog: We Never Take the Before Photo
Dec 2nd
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Why you wrote that. Submitted it. Now I know how it feels? I used to hate the smoked tea. You can tell from their names that they are younger than we are.
Dec 1st