March 2008
19 posts
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
How to get out of here.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
I have insurance. You claim that on your tax return?
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Why I waited to ask if time was up before I blurted out that I’ve also had another job since November. I wasn’t wearing a watch. Sense and nonsense in psychology.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
I woke up this morning and there was nothing to read on the internet. And even less to write.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
My grains?
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
His height, my hang-up. How I used to memorize things by setting them to hymnal tunes.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Your list of prepositions. It was strictly metrical?
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
My entire office is going to travel in an r.v. to a two-day business meeting in Chicago. Chicago is a city. We are going to camp. In our r.v. It will take us days to get there and back, in our r.v. Me and my coworkers, in our r.v. Just like on Road Rules. I hope I’m in charge of the video.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
How to buy new pillows. Why I never remember my dreams. If I have to talk in my sleep every night.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
How I ended up there, in those shoes. If I have to explain it. Sometimes your schedule is so silly that it is stifling. Why I thought that reading selections from my “sent mail” folder from so long ago would, in any way, be a good idea.
1 tag
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Why there is a small metal plate marked “Monument Topographical Bureau — Brooklyn” in the sidewalk on an otherwise nondescript corner near my house. That time, at the end of Saturday Night Live, when no one hugged the host. And she just stood there for a while and didn’t initiate any hugging either.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Seeing you made me crave, inexplicably, a cupcake and a clove cigarette for dinner. I decided both would be too treacly and had a turkey sandwich instead. The amount of effort I would put into applying for a grant to get hair extensions, if there was a foundation offering a grant like that.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
I didn’t know until now that dominoes was a game you could win or lose. (I thought it was all about matching numbers for the sake of matching numbers.) Why my hair is breaking off mid-curl. Who is going to save our defunct Friendster pages, archived yearbook-style?
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Fourteen pills. Not even a full day’s dose. Those photos are really old. I don’t know how to use a flash. I thought that the goal was to set him up with someone else. A lot of stuff is in storage. You want me to mail you the mail?
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
How to handle what happens when you’ve passed the point where it’s acceptable to admit that you don’t know someone’s name.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
I could probably use a suggestion box.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
That time you drove here from Ohio and you were early and rather than telling us so, you spent the night in your car in the Kmart parking lot near Route 35 in New Jersey.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
What everyone thought when my fever was so high that in my hallucinations I stated, “I hate it here on earth, I want to go home.”
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Sometimes I wish my hair would look more like Oprah’s hair. (See her long wavy looks of late.)