February 2009
23 posts
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Citizen’s arrest.
This is the best news story ever: UPDATE - Nicky Hilton Makes Citizen’s Arrest at IHOP
Why isn’t the whole internet talking about it?
I can’t stop talking about it.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Why did you think a harmonica was the way to my heart?
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
I got a Facebook “friend request” from my mother.
On her 55th birthday.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
I didn’t hear that song until now.
I might never respond to your e-mail.
Not “on purpose”
Sometimes I like to pretend that “on purpose” is out of my hands.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Richard Serra’s sculptures are, maybe, even more beautiful than usual when you see them in storage.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
I have to be nice to the new girls?
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
I am sure that I will talk about the emu eggs even more than I talked about the ostrich eggs.
I only made one phone call about this while standing in front of them and staring. I figured that N.L. would understand my excitement. She didn’t answer the phone. So all of that is on tape.
I obviously got in trouble for taking photos of the emu eggs. If I hadn’t shrieked with...
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
EMU EGGS.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
You misinterpreted my surprise at your advance.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
I arrived late to my ex-boyfriend’s wedding. The usher asked me to “just wait in the back and walk in after the bride.”
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
When you go to buy new glasses, what are you supposed to say if, once you finally pick out a pair, they say: “Oh, those could work on you, but only if you start to wear A LOT more eye makeup.”
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
A break.
1 tag
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
She asked if I could live-blog the birth of their baby.
She isn’t the first.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Grand gesture.
Naps.
When will they realize that we no longer wait to watch the evening news on TV?
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
For the most part, he is entertained.
He is easily entertained.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Yesterday I forgot my wallet at home.
Today, my telephone and keys.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
“The episodes occur either without an apparent triggering stimulus or following a stimulus that would not have led the subject to laugh or cry prior to the onset of the condition.”
“Patients with pathological laughter and crying (PLC) are subject to relatively uncontrollable episodes of laughter, crying or both.”
“PLC is a disorder of emotional expression rather than a primarydisturbance of...
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Not even Scarlett Johansson was hot enough to save the film.
The second most attractive thing in the movie was a gorgeous wall mirror that Jennifer Connelly trashed, to my dismay.
The odd anachronistic trope that allowed everyone to own a landline attached to an oversized/novelty telephone.
I didn’t realize that it was possible to hate so many different shades of purple nail polish. That...
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
How to fix how this looks.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Just a girl (space) friend.
Maybe a great girl, friend.
No interest, alas, in being the girlfriend.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
I don’t mind the mattress.
Why are you sending people New York Times articles about their allergies? It is too soon to be so much like mom.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
I forgot that I had a ticket to see Doveman perform “Footloose” at Joe’s Pub tonight. I realized this, though, at about the time the show was ending.
I have never seen the movie.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
It might be a five-year cycle.
A few more milligrams, maybe.
Isn’t it obvious that I lost it?
I wonder what would happen if I stopped to sit down.