April 2009
25 posts
1 tag
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
I wanted to tell him, “Our mood swings might meet in the middle.”
Our mood swings might not meet in the middle.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
We only stop to watch “Scenes from the next…”
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
The black and gold logo on the red Panavision truck might be a very large part of why I want to make movies.
He always underestimates the length of the light.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
The New York Times ran one of my photos today. Online, all is fantastic. Read the story, see my photo of the great Gabriel Kahane and a red toy piano in the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens.
But, if you went the newsstand, you would have seen an error. The credit lines in all print editions said that my photo was taken by Hiroyuki Ito and that Ito’s photo, later on in the same story, was taken by...
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
My father specializes in “disaster recovery.”
I could use a course in “crisis management.”
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
The lady did not realize that “Let’s watch a Lifetime Movie” is never the right thing to say.
Every laundromat feels dirty.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
I am still awake.
Did you just sneeze in your sleep?
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
By 6:00 p.m. I’d sneezed the number of times that there are tissues in the box. Maybe more, since sometimes I sneezed a few times in a row, in quick succession. The box was new when I woke up, at 6:00 a.m.
At some point I started crying because I thought about what might happen if I never stopped sneezing, but obviously I used my sleeve, not tissues, for the tears.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Everything is fine until you smile.
2 tags
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
When I talk to him, I no longer find it necessary to relay details to everyone I know.
This might mean that I like him.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
The timeframe for “too late” hasn’t changed.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
If you do not have a driver’s license, you cannot buy decongestants.
Apparently I might use Claratin-D or Sudafed to make meth.
My congestion wasn’t convincing enough, she said.
Why do you use the pharmacy’s pen to sign the log book when picking up prescriptions? Everyone who uses it is already sick.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
This plan makes sense to someone.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
I did not realize that we were supposed to start talking about New York City as if it is already dead.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Who doesn’t want to run away?
Where won’t we go?
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
I dropped your book into the toilet. I was standing in the bathroom, with my head flipped over, drying my hair and reading a book that I had balanced on the sink, as I do all the time, almost every day, really, when I dry my hair, and today, for the first time I can recall, as I was trying to turn a page, I dropped the book and it fell into the toilet. The lid was open, the water clean. The book:...
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Quinoa is Kosher for Passover.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
They take so many photographs of themselves.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Why is this night different from all other nights?
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Whole Foods on the Bowery is out of ostrich eggs AND emu eggs.
Maybe this is not important news.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
“I am too tired to type. Let’s talk on the phone.”
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
On this street there are a lot of stores that sell signs.
That is a room that inspired songs?
I like it, but I could never repeat it.
Why you would even try to narrow it down.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Who has a hatpin?
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
It is almost always the drummer.
Every time I go there, I fall.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
This doctor has lasers.