June 2010
9 posts
1 tag
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
They suggested that we celebrate the 18th anniversary of my bat mitzvah.
That sounds like a terrible (or terribly fascinating) way to call something “not a 30th birthday party.”
I was only 12. It wasn’t my temple. Someone set the rug in the synagogue classroom on fire while making a memory candle.
“Stop being such a sign-in board below balloon arches,” they said.
1 tag
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
This afternoon, on Sixth Avenue, a young solicitor stepped in front of me, and tried to stop me, and — with a straight face and without missing a beat as I kept moving — he said to me, “Did anyone ever tell you that you look like Beyonce?”
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
I wanted to tell him, “Stop falling in love with strangers.”
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
I was better at standing on sidelines.
You were better at staying at home.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
They didn’t love the pitch: the narrowly-focused trend story about reporters who only write narrowly-focused trend stories.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
She thought it was time to stop sending regards.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
I still like iced coffee more than I like you.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Time lines.
Map skills.
Instructional manuals.
How to not forget a lot of things.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
You are charmingly inept.