September 2010
13 posts
Things I Do Not Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Tonight I will read out loud. In public. At the Paper Cone Reading Series.
If you come to this reading, you might find out which of my blog posts are about you.
Benjamin Hale and Lauren Bans will read out loud tonight too. From their own work. Their work might not be about you.
1 tag
Things I Do Not Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Some months, the sum on the doctor’s bill for therapy is the same number of dollars as the amount I spend on my apartment’s rent.
I rationalize writing two identical checks because I live in New York City, but also, of course, I live in my own head.
1 tag
Things I Do Not Understand And Definitely Am Not...
He sleeps beneath a fitted sheet.
Instead of a flat top sheet, he uses a fitted sheet as if it is a lightweight blanket with elastic that sort of wraps slightly around his feet and around his shoulders.
He said something about it being “cozy.”
“Or,” I said, “like a weak sleeping bag.”
I was not invited back.
Things I Do Not Understand And Definitely Am Not...
The elevator’s advertising screen warned, “Do not use commas to bracket phrases that are essential to a sentence’s meaning.”
Every laundromat feels dirty.
She did not know that “Let’s watch a Lifetime Movie” is never the right thing to say.
Things I Do Not Understand And Definitely Am Not...
We were sitting on your bed, and you were annoyed with me, and you had a black Sharpie marker in your hand, and you said, “Hey, can I write something on your shirt?”
And I said, “Sure,” because it was actually your shirt.
And you wrote “PAY ATTENTION TO ME,” across the front, below the v-neck, but also on my chest, since the t-shirt was worn, thin, and the ink bled through.
And it was a...
1 tag
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Now there is no such thing as trivia.
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Things I Do Not Understand And Definitely Am Not...
If I update my blog, but I do not e-mail you back, will you be mad?
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
A valid point.
Where ARE the good editing boats?
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
When you are finally given an office of your own, and at the end of the first day in your new space, someone asks you how you like it, do not say, “It feels a little bit lonely.”
2 tags
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
When you go to Minetta Tavern because you want to eat dinner alone, here is what will happen: they will try to set you up.
Every time.
1 tag
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
The questions we ask each other constantly.
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Contact.
Lenses.
2 tags
Things I Don't Understand And Definitely Am Not...
If you are on television, discussing your MINX manicure, do not, accidentally, refer to it as “SPANX.”
That is an entirely different segment.