July 2011
11 posts
1 tag
Things I Do Not Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Do not take a photograph of yourself reflected in the mirror in a bathroom that is not your own.
Even if you look adorable today.
Even if the sink is so nice and the decor is really striking and the lighting is perfect and sort of low.
You will have another good hair day.
You can wear this outfit again.
What should you say when someone walks in and sees you in the process of taking a...
Things I Do Not Understand And Definitely Am Not...
I am having trouble not referring to my vacation days as “Next week, when I am retired….”
Things I Do Not Understand And Definitely Am Not...
When they broke up, she was not concerned with dividing the library they shared.
(They’d kept two copies of some books, looking forward — in hindsight she now knew — to this day.)
She was mostly worried about which jokes she could keep.
(She missed some of the punchlines the first time, but she realized, of course, that she would miss retelling them too.)
Things I Do Not Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Is this also the end of astronaut ice cream?
1 tag
Things I Do Not Understand And Definitely Am Not...
If, in therapy, you tell the story of Just Something That Happened One Day Since I Saw You Last Week — and at the end of the session the doctor says, “You could pitch that to The New Yorker. Talk of the Town.” — do you win a prize?
Is this the ultimate goal within the world of seeking psychoanalytic therapy/approval in New York City?
Isn’t this the ultimate goal within the...
Things I Do Not Understand And Definitely Am Not...
What I said: “I am going into your bedroom and I am taking off my shirt and you should bring the camera.”
What I meant: “I need you to help document the enormous mosquito bites on my back and shoulders and both arms, so I can show photographs of this ridiculous allergic reaction to the allergist.”
Things I Do Not Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Is that the moon, or are they making a movie?
3 tags
Things I Do Not Understand And Definitely Am Not...
What’s happening?
Just the name of the person you have a crush on.
Because you typed it into the wrong white box.
2 tags
Things I Do Not Understand And Definitely Am Not...
Photograph of the sky.
Photograph of a skyline.
Photograph of a skyscraper, or skyscrapers, from below.
Photograph of horizon, reclining, or both.
Photograph of self in a mirror with iPhone.
Photograph of varying permutation of any two the following: plant, meal, pet, bicycle, baby, someone holding something or holding someone on the subway, words on a sign, well-designed sofa, statement...
2 tags
Things I Do Not Understand And Definitely Am Not...
It was the kind of day where I found myself mostly concerned with how each piece of art was attached to each wall.
“Man, Heroic and Sublime.”
That comma always kills me.
Things I Do Not Understand And Definitely Am Not...
I was born one month early.
How to use this to explain why I am usually late.