Things I Do Not Understand And Definitely Am Not Going to Talk About

Things I Don’t Understand And Definitely Am Not Going To Talk About

• My computer (a 12 inch Powerbook G4 from 2004) might be broken, so I borrowed one from a friend. His is new-ish and has a camera built in to the screen, and he is away on vacation so I did what I thought I was supposed to do and I used a Band-Aid to cover his laptop’s built-in camera lens.
• I did not want to accidentally video chat with his friends.
• I thought it would be weird if they turned on their computers and then they saw me on my back, on my bed, with his laptop on my lap, typing while lying down, supine, since that is a terrible angle for anyone, and so I put the Band-Aid there, to cover the camera, to avoid unflattering angles and accidental conversations with acquaintances.
• Then, however, after a few days with the Band-Aid, I had people over to my apartment for a dinner party. And, to make a point about Colson Whitehead and Maybe The Greatest Essay Ever About New York City That Has A Few Sentences That Still Make Me Cry Every Time I Think About Them, I said, “Oh, I will just look it up for you, on the internet,” because I can’t really quote it without crying.
• And that is when I learned that you are not, in fact, supposed to use a Band-Aid to cover the camera on the laptop you borrow while your laptop is broken. That is, apparently, not how computer cameras work.